It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
