New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
