Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
