After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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