If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
