Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
