your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
