I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize