Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
