in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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