you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
