Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just cropdusted the office
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
