I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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