I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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