I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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