He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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