Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
