I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
