he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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