I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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