Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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