Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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