I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
