guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
