Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
