I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You can't just leave with hair like that
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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