she woke up with a sticky ear
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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