i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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