remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
