Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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