The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
