someone threw a dead crab at me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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