My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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