Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
