I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize