I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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