I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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