I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
