I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
