do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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