Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
