At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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