his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
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my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
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I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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