I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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