I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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