she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
