Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You are a genius and a whore.
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