well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
