Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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