well most of my day revolves around power hour
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
