she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
