This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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