I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
