and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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