Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
