this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did we literally take a cab across the street
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
