I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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