Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
