How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
