i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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