I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
