i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
