Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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