just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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