I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
