did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
