when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
