Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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