she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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