and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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